The Self-Image Scale

I. The Self-Image Scale

Modern Western men and women are equipped with an arsenal of terms to describe their “relationship with themselves.” Attributes such as self-esteem, self-love, self-confidence, self-acceptance, self-respect, self-worth, self-compassion, and belief in oneself are touted as virtues and discussed freely in almost every setting—in schools, in churches, in therapy, and among friends.

The correlation between these attributes is strong because there is significant overlap in their meanings. For instance, there are very few people, if any, with high self-esteem and low self-confidence, or with high self-compassion and low self-respect.

Because they correlate, for simplicity we can merge them into one scale. I call it the “self-image scale.” A slider with poor self-image (self-confidence, self-esteem, self-love, etc.) on the left and high self-image on the right.

It is common to have a continual goal of moving up the self-image scale. The insecure seek self-acceptance or self-respect, the anxious seek self-compassion or self-confidence, the betrayed seek self-love or self-worth.

II. Where is Jesus on the Self-Image Scale?

In John 5:30, Jesus says, “As I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.” How much self-confidence did Jesus have? Where was He on the self-image scale?

In Mark 10, a rich young man asks Jesus, “Good Master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?” and Jesus responds, “Why callest thou me good? None is good, save one, that is, God.” How much self-esteem did Jesus have? Where was He on the self-image scale?

Considering Jesus’s life as a whole, it’s hard to settle on an answer because there is none that feels quite right. It defies our best spiritual intuition to say Jesus had a negative self-image; He didn’t go around putting Himself down or doubting His capacity to accomplish His goals. But neither can we confidently say He had a positive self-image; no one with high self-esteem and self-confidence would say “I can of mine own self do nothing” and flatly deny being good. So where is Jesus on the self-image scale?

He is not on it at all.

Jesus does not have self-esteem or self-confidence, high or low. He has no self-love, but that doesn’t mean He’s deficient in it. He just doesn’t talk about these things. He never acknowledges the existence of any “self-” attributes. Too many people deploy them unhesitatingly in Sunday school as if they were revealed principles, but they aren’t. The Lord never uses the “self-hyphen-attribute” construction.1

What Christ does have is esteem for His Heavenly Father. Christ has confidence in His Heavenly Father. Christ has love for His Heavenly Father. Christ strives for acceptance from His Heavenly Father. It is this mental orientation which He exemplifies and teaches throughout His ministry, not an inward-looking one. He always directs praise and gratitude away from Himself and toward His Father in Heaven, and He always affirms His authority is from the Father. He is a conduit of the power of the Father, without whom He would be nothing. This fact of His relationship with the Father is evidently on His mind at all times, leaving no room for concerns such as “How do I feel about myself?”

In addition to confidence in the Father, Christ has confidence in us.2 But this confidence is an extension of His relationship with the Father; He knows it is only because of the Father’s grace that our efforts can amount to something.3 He also has love for us and commands us to love one another, but this love is an extension of His relationship with the Father as well; He does only what the Father does, and the Father loves us.4

III. The Fact of Dependence

The one relationship Jesus never seems to discuss is the pure self-self relationship, in which He considers Himself as existing in isolation and analyzes His self-perception. For Jesus, everything is about relationships between two or more people—and, indeed, that is the only sensible way to consider things, seeing as the only existence we have ever known and will ever know is that of a child of God living among His other children.

Once you acknowledge that the nature of existence itself makes pure independence impossible, you begin to see why the God- and other-oriented mindset taught by Jesus is superior to the self-oriented mindset of many a modern therapy session.

Jesus’s teachings acknowledge the reality that we depend on God and are interdependent with one another. Therefore, the eternal ideal He teaches us to strive for—joy in eternal relationships, or covenants—is attainable. It can be realized.

The self-oriented perspective depends upon the incorrect assumption that we can be totally self-sufficient. Therefore, the ideal it teaches us to strive for—independent joy, or joy through self-determination and positive self-talk—is unattainable. It is fictitious.

IV. Semantics

I understand this is a sensitive position, as many people are passionate about the importance of self-love and self-care. Some would argue it’s a purely semantic issue not worth nitpicking over. Self-worth is just knowing and believing you have worth in the eyes of God, right? Self-confidence is just trusting that you can do all things through Christ, right? Self-acceptance is just joyfully embracing the way God made you, right?

But there is a problem: as we try to squeeze modern “self-image” attributes into the framework of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, we end up with definitions that focus not on the individual’s relationship with himself or herself, but on his or her relationship with God. So why call them self-worth, self-confidence, self-acceptance, self-love? Such terminology implies a sort of closed loop where the desired attribute is found within the very person lacking it. It excludes God. The terminology is inherently godless.

I agree this is a semantic argument, but not that it is insignificant. The words we use matter.5

V. The Effect of the Words We Use

When Christians use the language of “self-image” in a Christian context, we are trying to use it to describe the effects of one’s relationship with God. As Christians, we believe God’s opinion of us is objectively the highest truth because He sees things “as they really are,”6 and so as we cultivate a relationship with God, He gradually enables us to see ourselves as He sees us. Since He loves, empowers, guides, and values us, God becomes our source of love, confidence, hope, sense of our own worth, etc.

However, when atheists use the language of “self-image,” they cannot be using it to describe one’s relationship with God. The atheistic perspective is that one’s feeling about oneself, though subjective, is the only source of contentment accessible by the human mind, and so to be content we must learn to feel good about ourselves.7

For example, consider self-love. Merriam-Webster’s first definition is “an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue.” An atheist might be content with this definition as it stands, but a circumspect Christian must be clear: “an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue in the eyes of God.”

Another example is self-esteem, which Merriam-Webster defines as “a confidence and satisfaction in oneself.” Again, this definition may satisfy an atheist, but a Christian would not call it a virtue—not when the Bible teaches “He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool” and “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”8 A Christian appropriating the term “self-esteem” to describe an aspect Christian morality must twist its definition into something like “a confidence and satisfaction in the Lord’s ability to save us and make something good of our lives despite our sinfulness.”

A third example is self-acceptance: “the act or state of understanding and recognizing one’s own abilities and limitations.” An atheist has no issues with this definition, and even a Christian, knowing we are fallen beings, resonates with it. But a Christian also knows the Lord has said, “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.”9 Scripture makes clear that repentance, not self-acceptance alone, calls God’s power into our lives, so self-acceptance is only half a Christian virtue. It is good only if it leads us to change through Christ.10

In each of these terms, we see there are two fundamentally different definitions being used, the atheistic and the theistic, and they are not equal contenders. The dictionary definition is generally acceptable to the atheist, while the Christian has to amend it to make it useful. In the previous section we noted that the grammatical form of “self-image” terminology is inherently godless, and now we see that the definitions are, too!

In addition, most of the terms’ use in Western public schools and other public forums is welcoming of all religions in theory but slanted toward atheism in practice, and most online dialogue is atheistic, meaning there is a third way in which “self-image” terminology is godless: common practice. (This should be no surprise; why would inherently godless terms with godless definitions be used any other way?)

“Self-image” terms were created and are controlled by the secular world. When Christians try to force them into a Christian framework, we are fighting a losing battle. We try to pull them toward us, but they are anchored in place; they cannot slide toward us, so we begin to slide toward them. We gradually accept their true secular definitions and, still considering them virtues, increasingly strive to attain them, unaware that the target has shifted from something godly to something worldly. This is an inevitable eventuality when we too readily adopt secular terminology into our vernacular: we slowly internalize its implications, and our worldview becomes more and more secular.

The slide toward the secular perspective is subtle and can easily go unnoticed, but once it is understood, it is easy to recognize. A Christian places the origin of love, compassion, and confidence in Jesus Christ, and so he seeks happiness in Jesus Christ, while an atheist places the origin of love, compassion, and confidence within himself, and so he seeks happiness within himself. Thus, whenever we speak of searching for happiness, confidence, or peace—for any good thing11—in ourselves instead of in Christ, our perspective is secular and should be corrected.

VI. Examples of Unwitting Atheistic Thinking
encouraged by the use of language that doesn’t explicitly place God at the center of things

I have fallen into this trap—an atheistic perspective which I thought was faithful—many times.

Example 1: Perfectionism. I didn’t believe I was good enough, although I was honest in my efforts to serve the Lord, and I sought peace in becoming perfectly consistent in living up to my own expectations for myself. I thought they were His standards, but I had warped them to suit my impatient, unforgiving idea of God, unknowingly pushing Him out. I felt guilty all the time. Did I need to forgive myself? Not exactly. I needed to stop being my own judge. I needed to get off the self-image scale and let the Lord judge, evaluate, guide, and forgive.

Example 2: Ambition. I have often fixated on my own ideas of what progress looks like instead of living by the Spirit moment to moment. Latter-day Saints are strong believers in progress, but it is not progress, or change, itself that is good. Change is good only if it is of God. I was working hard, but not toward a future God wanted me to achieve. I was missing His voice as He called me into different paths of achievement, just as in perfectionism I was missing His voice as He forgave and encouraged me. I was proud of my self-discipline and self-motivation, but I was not as “ambitious for Christ” as I thought I was.12

Example 3: Intellectual pride. I have dismissed familiar gospel answers as simplistic and unimpactful, when the advice I most desperately needed was one of those familiar answers. I thought I was being a diligent seeker of truth, but I was closed to the truth God wanted to instill. I was exerting tremendous effort to learn but little and inching closer to God, when I could have been flourishing in “the light of Christ” and “forsak[ing] that evil one.”13 “Inching” is the meager progress accomplished through self-improvement and self-control; “flourishing” is the result of being explicit about seeking Jesus Christ and receiving His immense power. My growth in holiness and happiness was far slower and more indirect than it could have been had I sought more precisely scriptural, Christ-centered goals.14

Example 4: Rationalization. If you regularly live inconsistently with something you’ve been taught at church your whole life and your reasoning is “God loves me no matter what,” you likely have slid unknowingly into atheistic reasoning. You are substituting self-love for God’s love—unconditional love from yourself, pacifying you in stagnancy, instead of unconditional love from God, which would jar you out of it.

Example 5: Works without grace. If you read self-help books more than the word of God, if your instinct when faced with a problem is to get straight to work without a prayer, or if you are confident you are a capable leader at Church instead of continuously relying on the Lord, you are sliding toward an atheistic perspective. Your mindset is one of self-confidence instead of “covenant confidence through Jesus Christ.”15

In all these cases, the needed change is succinctly captured and powerfully remembered by replacing godless, self-centered language with God-affirming language.

My call is for Latter-day Saints to reject the self-image scale. Stop speaking in a way that implies, however subtly, that the essence of happiness is a proper idea of oneself, that we are the origin of goodness, and that we must depend on ourselves to obtain good things. Instead, use terminology that acknowledges Jesus Christ as the origin of all goodness and happiness and encourages a sole focus on Him. It is far more difficult to drift toward “relying upon the arm of the flesh” if the way we speak constantly acknowledges our reliance on Christ.

This change doesn’t require that we invent new words or phrases. The scriptures and teachings of modern prophets have plenty of examples of Christ-centered ways of talking about life. Our duty is to be studious and deliberate in our speech, internalizing and emulating the ways prophets talk about life and our relationship to God.16 Fill your mind with the words of revelators, and it will become second nature to think and speak as they do.17

VIII. An Eye Single to the Glory of God

I spent many years anxious, on the lower end of the self-image scale, and then I spent many years moving up it. I wanted to escape the self-loathing and self-pity on the lower end of the scale, but I was aware pride and arrogance were characteristic of the upper end, so I tried to find the sweet spot as I moved up. I thought I needed to love myself enough to be happy but not enough to be proud. Gradually I realized I would never find the sweet spot because a healthy “relationship with yourself” is a flawed secular replacement for a healthy relationship with God.

The core problem with the self-image scale is that if I subscribe to it, no matter where on it I fall, I am proud; in all my efforts to improve, I am focused on myself.18 The world may “call the proud happy,”19 particularly those on the flashy upper end of the self-image scale or those in the comfortable (and complacent) middle, but neither of these is the profound happiness of “the humble followers of Christ.”20 There are spiritual joys self-esteem and self-confidence cannot fabricate, and there are eternal problems they cannot solve. The scriptures do not teach the self-image scale because it will not endure forever. They do teach what will.21

To follow Christ’s example, tear your eyes away from the self-image scale and instead have “an eye single to the glory of God.”22 “The light of the body is the eye; if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.”23 There’s only one direction we ever need look: up.

Notes

  1. I verified this in the King James Bible for “self-love,” “self-esteem,” “self-care,” “self-compassion,” “self-image,” “self-confidence,” “self-acceptance,” “self-respect,” and “self-worth.” Yes, I know these terms are modern inventions, so of course the Bible wouldn’t have them. That’s kind of the point. ↩︎
  2. Stanley G. Ellis, “He Trusts Us!” October 2006 general conference ↩︎
  3. 2 Nephi 25:23 ↩︎
  4. John 5:19 ↩︎
  5. Ronald A. Rasband, “Words Matter,” April 2024 general conference ↩︎
  6. Jacob 4:13 ↩︎
  7. Most atheists, I think, would argue that there are higher goods than selfish desire—that relationships, nature, discipline, or countless other things are better sources of meaning than one’s isolated opinion of himself. But each of these actions or attributes, for the atheist, must be only a tool to accomplish the ultimate goal of feeling good about ourselves. Even if we try to live up to a higher ideal (by forming relationships with others, spending time in nature, developing self-discipline, etc.), our sense of self-regard, our inner judge, remains the litmus test of the value these actions have for us. If there is no God who communes with the human mind, then the mind is a solitary sovereign, forever seeking only its own approval. ↩︎
  8. Proverbs 28:26, Proverbs 3:5-6 ↩︎
  9. 2 Chronicles 7:14 ↩︎
  10. See also Ether 12:27 ↩︎
  11. James 1:17, Moroni 7:24 ↩︎
  12. Kazuhiko Yamashita, “Be Ambitious for Christ,” October 2016 general conference ↩︎
  13. Doctrine and Covenants 88:7, 93:36-37 ↩︎
  14. Henry B. Eyring, “Holiness and the Plan of Happiness,” October 2019 general conference ↩︎
  15. Ulisses Soares, “Covenant Confidence through Jesus Christ,” April 2024 general conference ↩︎
  16. For instance, footnotes 12, 14, and 15 teach how true ambition, happiness, and confidence originate in Jesus Christ. ↩︎
  17. There are many examples of modern general conference speakers using “self-hyphen-attribute” terminology, but they are always used to teach true Christian principles. The farther down the levels of church membership you go, the less careful we are to do the same. If we must continue to use these terms, we should take care to use them as speakers in general conference do, to unmistakably express wholly Christ-centered ideas. But to me it seems easier to stop using them altogether in favor of words that are less easily confused with secular ideas. ↩︎
  18. C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”
    Spencer W. Kimball: “Humility is teachableness—an ability to realize that all virtues and abilities are not concentrated in one’s self.” ↩︎
  19. Malachi 3:15; 3 Nephi 24:15 ↩︎
  20. 2 Nephi 28:14 ↩︎
  21. Moroni 7:47-48 ↩︎
  22. D&C 4:5 ↩︎
  23. Matthew 6:22 ↩︎